Absurd World...

June 4, 2009

Kwai Chang Caine killed himself today. Or at least the actor that played him did, David Carradine. Hunter S. Thompson did too. Many have. Suicide. I have friends who bandy this word around now and again. I am always filled with empathy when it's talked about. Empathy requires understanding. I understand. I just don't agree. I am in more agreement with Camus' thoughts on suicide, in his book "The Myth of Sisyphus". Paraphrasing..."the struggle is enough to fill a man's heart." Though, Camus would likely admonish me for the hope I always seem to have. Hope he says, brings nostalgia and nostalgia brings misery. Yes. It's true, but he ignores the fact that with EVERYTHING, there are two sides. Positive and negative. There is value in both. Having a sunny beautiful day everyday will lose it's luster. The dark rainy days are needed, so when the sun finally comes out, it has a brightness never before seen. For happiness we need sadness. Struggle and live!

Free Will and Fate

Hope and Acceptance

I freely choose my path, but in knowing my myself and my nature, it is pre-determined.

Wow...I saw way too much Kung Fu on television when I was a kid! Rest in peace David, Hunter, Sigmund, Ernest, Ian... Of course, I don't believe in death either, but I'll save that for another post later. *laughing*

Thunderstorms and Warm Rain...

June 3, 2009

It's a day of thunderstorms and warm rain today. I am instantly home sick for Memphis, Tennessee. There, it is a normal occurrence. In San Diego, where I now reside, it is a rare thing. Just even hearing thunder might be a once a year thing. I am whirled away to the south, thick trees, the smell of honeysuckle blooms, the air is dense and hovering with humidity. The strong smell of rain. No need to get inside, the rain's just fine. Warm and pleasant. Playfully stabbing the puddles on the asphalt. Putting the tears on my face I never thought I'd have again. Pounding down through the sky, washing and wiping away the memories of yesterday. All that's left is now. Now.

Flipping Through the Stations...

June 2, 2009

Swirl, swirl, mish-mash, wince...I dreamt I was in jail, no thanks to Bukowski no doubt. Imagining doing a radio show, playing crazy ass music that makes me grin in devilish delight. Visions of Donnie and Marie Osmond at Disneyland....and the Delta stewardess I met on the airplane and the two-step champion of Indianapolis during my stage/tour manager summer during Donnie's comeback year in 1992...Donnie...actually Donald. Donald Osmond doesn't have the same ring to it does it? What songs would I play on my radio show? I would probably play Marty Robbins, Electric Six, Grizzly Bear, Les Baxter, Marlon Brando singing in Guys and Dolls, The Dead Milkmen, Neil Diamond, Eagles of Death Metal, Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn, and Ennio Morricone... Ooooh...if only you could be in my head right now...

Still Rolling Em' After All These Years...

June 1, 2009

Have you ever read "Roll the Dice" by Charles Bukowski? It's my pep talk, my slap in the face, ice down my pants, my knowing smile, my kick in the ass, my ejection seat to the street, my "stop your friggin' whining" card, my hand in my pocket, my "pick me up, dust me off, and put me back in the dirt" surrogate father speech.
I didn't need it today. Every once in a long while I do, but not today. Today I'm just sharing what many people already may know, but it's good to hear again and again. This elixir of the artistically damned does it for me like a new box of Kleenex. *laughing* Why you ask? A new box of Kleenex smells exactly like my first guitar case when I was 15. A whole new world was sucking and taking me into it's arms...making everything exciting, fresh, wide-eyed with no limits and untold possibilities.

Roll the Dice
if you’re going to try, go all the
way.
otherwise, don’t even start.

if you’re going to try, go all the
way. this could mean losing girlfriends,
wives, relatives, jobs and
maybe your mind.

go all the way.
it could mean not eating for 3 or
4 days.
it could mean freezing on a
park bench.
it could mean jail,
it could mean derision,
mockery,
isolation.
isolation is the gift,
all the others are a test of your
endurance, of
how much you really want to
do it.
and you’ll do it
despite rejection and the
worst odds
and it will be better than
anything else
you can imagine.

if you’re going to try,
go all the way.
there is no other feeling like
that.
you will be alone with the
gods
and the nights will flame with
fire.

do it, do it, do it.
do it.

all the way
all the way.
you will ride life straight to
perfect laughter,
it’s the only good fight
there is.

1977, 007 and 420...

May 31, 2009

Once when I was a kid, after school while walking home another kid pulled out a knife and told me to do what he said or he'd stab me. Surprising considering we were pretty young (This was when Jimmy Carter was president, "You Light Up My Life" was the number one song and "Hotel California" came out.), we were 10 years of age. Even more surprising was when he did it, from all my years of watching television and movies I immediately bolted into action and kicked the knife out of his hand and punched him in the nose. I had never done such thing before, never thought of doing it, never planned it, but there I was playing 007 on the street corner. Later that day my sitter took me to an Eagles concert with her boyfriend, (Unbeknownst to my parents who thought I was at her house.) and I got my first contact high with all the marijuana cumulus clouds in the air. It was my first concert experience and it was a good day.

Today is a good day. It's a rare overcast day in May and I'll be meeting my friend Itai for an avocado smoothie with boba and talk about his album we're recording this August...then off to the Casbah for some music, art, and friends.